“The Thought manifests as the Word
The Word manifests as the Deed
The Deed develops into the Habit
The Habit hardens into the Character
So,watch the thought, and its ways, with care, and let it spring from love”
Gautama Buddha
To get on the best possible terms with yourself, picture yourself as if you had the qualities you desire. The mental picture you have of yourself tends to come true.
Try using...
“Could” instead of “Should”
“Sometimes” instead of “Always”
“Sometimes” instead of “Never”
“May not be able to” instead of “Can’t”
John: Who is in charge of you
Paul: What do you mean - obviously I am
John: Yes, I know. You think you are, but are you really?
Paul: Well, if I’m not, who is
John: I don’t know - that’s why I’m asking you the question
Paul: OK - let me think - If I’m in charge, why am I not the way I want to be?
John: Good question - so you’re obviously not in charge if you aren’t the way you want to be....
Paul: Accepted. Yes. So what’s going on?
John: There are 2 big influences that determine what you are - one is external, one is internal. Let’s talk about the external first - every day you allow other people to control you - “He made me angry”, “She made me sad”, “That made me depressed”, “The car cut me off and made me aggressive.” All these people and events do not put emotions into your mind - you choose to react this way. Do you agree this happens?
Paul: Well, yes, but...
John: There are no “but”s - yes or no?
Paul: Yes
John: So you agree, you allow other people to control you a lot of the time
Paul: Yes
John: Let’s not talk about the internal control - to simplify, let’s divide you up into 3 parts. You, Paul, your mind, and your body.
Paul: OK
John: Thank you. I’ll take you, the conscious Paul first, then. You have previously said that you were in charge of your body and mind - but if you are, why are you not the person you want to be?
Paul: Well, I am who I want to be sometimes
John: OK - so let’s agree, the conscious you, Paul, is in control sometimes. Other people are in control sometimes. Who controls you the rest of the time.?
Paul: It’s a big mystery - I don’t know
John: Maybe it’s your unconscious mind - let me explain. Your mind is the memory - good or bad - of everything that has happened to you during your life. Of all the good skills learnt (such as driving or riding a bike) and the bad ones (such as smoking). Of all your beliefs, good or bad, such as “I believe I am useless / unworthy / will never be any good”. With this information stored, the subconscious has the ammunition to influence your life greatly, so I would say that your mind controls you for the rest of the time, and because your mind draws on knowledge from past experiences, which are sometimes not relevant today, it can guide you along the wrong path. You react in a way that was right then, but is not now. It means you are being controlled by past experiences. So most of the time we are lazy, and we give up the responsibility of making decisions to our subconscious, or memory. Some of the time we are conscious of what is happening when it happens, and therefore make the decision we want, in the moment. Some of the time we allow other people to control us, and make decisions for us.